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Helps and Hinderances to BF

Fiona:

Helps... definitely my sister. Having seen her bf her own 3 children, though I knew it hadn't always been easy for her I knew it was possible to get through difficult patches. She was able to tell me that what i was experiencing was normal.Also the fact that I was scared she'd never speak to me again if I gave up did help me keep going in the tricky early days!
Other helps were that I think I did know quite a lot about the health issues related to bf before I started, so it made me very determined, especially as I was cows milk sensitive as a child myself. I also joined a bf support group, and the encouragement of like minded mums helped me too.

Not sure anyone really hindered me - I am so stubborn that even people telling me that I should give up helped really as I just dug my heels in deeper. I did get fed up of the "you're not feeding that baby AGAIN" type comments, but they didn't really make me disheartened. Having a lot of pain, that no-one seemed to be able to help me with was bad, but again, I knew it would eventually improve, so though there were some VERY low moments, I never seriously considered stopping. My own HV at the time (now retired thank goodness) was obviously not pro bf, but even she did at least do the decent thing and point me in the direction of the bf support group. I grew used to disagreeing with her on lots of things anyway!
So, that's me - interested in everyone else's comments.

Zoe:

This is quite hard but i suppose when i had my first child, now 10, my now ex-husband's mother (who may well have been that Gina Ford woman in disguise!!), was both a help in that she despised me breasfeeding and I would do anything to piss her off and a hindrance for the very same reason: I was 19, had survived a very traumatic birth and that woman made my life hell. Her son turned out to be a complete tosser as well!

I think the biggest help to me was my mum's side of the family: my mum and all her sisters were breastfeeders, it was all I knew as a child. My mum has five children and we were all breastfed so my ideas were probably formed early on.

Merith, Mum to Iain (23 months - where DID the time go?????):

The biggest help has been the ivillage BF support board and Shel and Fiona in particular. I honestly don't think I could have done it without you!!! Thank you soooo much.

I suppose the biggest hinderance has been other people's attitudes, "are you still doing that" etc!! But I haven't let them put me off. Again, thanks to this board, I've known more about bf and known that bf past 3/6/9/12/18/24 months is totally normal!

Thank you ladies!

Katie:

Helps -
DH was fab, MW (community one) was fab and cosleeping was fab. Also the ivillage BF Support board and my local group too.

Hinderances -
Postnatal infection, second degree tear, incorrect suturing, allergy to induction pessaries, epidural, pethidine, syntocin (?), crappy hospital MWs, thrush, antibiotics...... Think thats it oh, Doctors.

Sookio, Mum of Edward:

Biggest help
- The midwives who spoke to me over the phone and the one in particular who came round and shuffled cushions around until (finally) I was in the correct position
- my husband, who has been really patient, understanding that no I'm not being lazy, I really do need to be brought food and to sit on my *rse for long periods of time!

Hindrance
- Lack of places to breastfeed
- Family members encouraging me to bottlefeed, and getting impatient at the amount of time I spend feeding him
- And of course, the extreme pain in the first fortnight, which wasn't much fun to put it mildly

It'll be 12 weeks on Monday so am feeling pretty chuffed with myself for overcoming initial setbacks and getting this far.

Jamie:

Helps:
- Seeing my mum breastfeed my sister for 18 months when I was 12. I think it's because of this that I feel I didn't 'choose' to breastfeed - I can honestly say it never occurred to me to do anything else!

- My boyfriend. he may be a lazy sod when it comes to taking D off my hands, but he's always more than happy to take over dinner etc. if the baby needs a feed. He even makes me a cup of tea occasionally (bless him, lol) when I go on & on about how thirsty I am when I'm feeding.

- My family in general. All very supportive, although I have had comments in the past about the frequency of his feeding (esp. when he was newborn). This made me feel as if I was doing something wrong, as I didn't know how often newborns feed! Apart from that they've been great.

- Anyone anti-breastfeeding! Anyone who opposes me just makes me even more determined to continue.

- Most importantly.. THIS BOARD!!! I've learn't soooo much & met some great girls.

Hindrances:
- Myself! I won't feed in public (mainly because I wear such tight-fitting clothes that it'd be too difficult to do without showing my whole back & tummy) so I constantly find myself sitting in the in-laws bedroom or baby-changing rooms when we're out.

- Not so much a hindrance, but I really, really miss having a drink (i.e more than a glass of wine!). I know I sound like an alcoholic but I completely abstained during my pregnancy & now I limit myself to one glass a week (if that). I don't even miss going out to the pub so much - I just miss being able to sit down at the end of the day & drink a few glasses of wine without feeling guilty!

Sorry for the essay - I only meant to write a few bullet-points but I must've got carried away!

Carolynn, Mum of Eilidh:

help>>

Would have to be our local Community Mothers Group - a health authority sponsored breast feeding support group. They came to visit me in hospital while i was in floods of tears and terrible pain ....gave me the support I desperately needed and wasnt getting from the hospital staff. I still attend their meetings every week and Eilidh loves to see the other babies. They dont always have the best or most up to date advise....i tend to get that from here...but they are supportive and its good to know that someone will pop down and see you face to face who understands where you're coming from.

Another great help...my MIL! She b/f all 5 of her kids even being of the generation where everyone formula fed! things have changed a lot but she's the only member of my entire family that says well done on a regular basis!

Like I said..get all my best advise from you guys on this board too!

worst>>>

to be honest nobody really. H/V is next to useless so never ask them anything although i know i probably should. i do get a bit pi**ed off when folk say 'really???' when they discover i'm still b/f and have no intention of stopping in the near future.

Fran, Mum ofAbi:

Helps: my mum (who phoned my brother to take me to the bf clinic when I was having major difficulties at 5 weeks and she was on holiday and also instilled in me that bf was actually the normal way to feed a baby and no big deal even if the babe was a bit of a handful), my SIL who at the bf clinic came in with me and actually helped support Abi on my breast (don't ask I had extremely forceful letdown and they were demonstrating how I could lie down and feed on my back - we still laugh now), my - don't faint - HV who came out and offered support in the horrible week. My dp who did everything to allow me to bf as and when I needed to. Oh and the dummy....helped me latch Abi on in her unsettled phases.

Hindrances:

DPs mum (ff all her children, who helpfully asked things like 'what are you going to do' as I miserably tried to latch 3 day old Abi onto very engorged breasts and then, as I experimented with different positions to latch her asked, 'isn't that a bit too much handling for a baby'. To which I replied 'seen as she spent two hours in my birth canal while I pushed her out after a 10 hour labour, probably not'. However I got off very lightly, many years ago when DP's sister was bfing she told her it was 'disgusting' but she wouldn't have dared say that to me.

Kirsty, Mum of Miranda

Helps:

* My family for bringing me up to think that breastfeeding is the normal way to feed babies (as it is!). Knowing that my mum and all my aunties have all breastfed meant that there was no way I was going to go and see my family with a bottle fed baby, if they could all do it so can I.

* Seeing a breastfeeding counsellor in pregnancy (part of our NCT antenatal class), having a bf counsellor for a midwife and visiting the local 'baby cafe' breastfeeding centre where they both hang out afterwards.

* My fabulous boyfriend who does a billion wonderful things including producing great meals that I can eat with one hand while feeding, and mopping up my tears.

* All the info here and on the internet letting me know that what I was experiencing was normal.

Hindrances:

* Thrush. Yucky and very painful.

* Health Visitor who annoyed me by telling me that it was all very well trying to breastfeed but that I ought to be prepared for failure. She turned round and became really quite supportive when she saw how determined I was though.

* Partner's family who've annoyed me by leaving the room when I feed but get annoyed if I take the baby out of their way to feed her. 'She can't want feeding again!' comments etc. I think they'll be surprised at how long she stays breastfed too but that's yet to come. Though I know MIL is biting her tongue wanting to tell us how it was in her day on this and all aspects of parenting so she is trying not to be a pain at least!

Emma:

Without any doubt at all, the ladies on the ivillage BF Support board have been my biggest help. You have helped me to understand how my body works (with regard to milk production) and have helped me to gain the confidence to trust in myself as a bf mother above my (really rather useless) HV.

My biggest hinderances have been myself (not trusting myself in the early days) and my HV for suggesting formula and solids at every available opportunity since we 1st met (even though Isabella had good weight gain for the 1st 6 or 8 weeks).

Becky, Mum of Grace:

Helps:

DP who has been really supportive and told me he was proud of me for BF Gracie which really meant a lot. Also most of all Gracie who is a natural breast feeder! Before she was born I was quite ambivalent- thought I would try it and if it worked fine if it didn't then not to worry- we have been fortunate enough to have no problems (except that she wont take bottle which is a bit of a stress). Also support from this board has been fab especially during a couple of real low times I have had when i felt it was all too much.

Hindrances:

I'd say myself as was not confident enough to feed in front of others initially, also I wear quite fitted clothes which does me no favours when am discreetly trying to latch Gracie on in public! Also, I am hindering myself at the moment as am not persevering with bottle and am back at work in a short time - cant bear to upset Gracie.

Christine, Mum of Jed:

Biggest help was my mum, she came over from Australia for the birth and boosted my confidence about bf in front of others.

Biggest hinderence, unfortunatley was my best friend in Aus. She had a baby last Sept and bottle feed her little girl so when Jed was 3 days old and wouldn't feed properly instead of encourageing me to stick with it she told me not to stress as I didn't have to bf him! Am glad I didn't listen to her on that one!

Kathryn, Mum of Amelia:

Helps: my midwife, wonderful lady and bf counsellor, who runs local bf support group.
My family and friends (just the fact that they don't bat an eyelid when i whip my boob out!)

hindrances: midwives in the hospital (just seemed everyone had a different opinion and none of them were much use when i needed help latching dd on. plus the fact that i never even saw a midwife the first day i was in after being transferred to ante natal ward.) everyone around me who's bottlefeeding without a thought of bf makes me feel so isolated about it (think thats more of my own insecurities).

Ariana:

Helps:
- My husband, who has read all the same documentation I have about the benefits of breastfeeding, and has fully supported my decision to continue. I definitely would have given up without him.

- My health visitor, who breastfed her own children and has been very supportive, but equally non-judgmental when we decided to give Junior a bottle at night.

- Breastfeeding counsellors from the NCT, La Leche League and NHS, all of whom patiently listened to me moan and helped me try out different positions. I only wish one of them had been there during my brief stay in hospital, so I could get off to a good start!

- This board, of course! Another great place to have a wail and get advice and support. It's been an amazing comfort to me over the last five difficult weeks.

Hindrances:
- Pain, pain and more pain. I'm not surprised so many women give up; the first three weeks were excruciating.

- How time-consuming it is. I know it sounds incredibly petty when you're trying to do the best for your child, but I found the feeding for 1 1/2 hours every 2 hours rather trying. Obviously, the pain made it infinitely worse.

- The hospital. Nobody explained anything to me, nobody came near me unless I called for help, and they kicked me out after 24 hours anyway. Had I known that breastfeeding was so difficult, I would have demanded more help.

- My community midwife. Her reaction to my scabby, sore nipples was "I've seen worse", and she all but rolled her eyes when I demanded that she check my positioning and latching on technique -- which she promptly declared were "fine" despite the fact that I was in pain and something was therefore wrong!

- Limited options for breastfeeding when you're out and about and not confident enough to do it in public.

- My mother. She has become more supportive now, but since she started giving me formula at 1 month, and solids at 2 months, she didn't really get why I wanted to breastfeed Junior for so long. In fact, in the first week, when I was struggling to learn how to breastfeed from printed documents, I heard her saying something to my husband to the effect that I was very stubborn, as if breastfeeding was some outlandish idea I'd thought up on my own!

- Not knowing any women who are currently breastfeeding. My best friend breastfed her children, but she lives a long way away. Most of the women at the groups I've visited seem to bottlefeed, and I'm too shy to accost breastfeeding women there (they always seem to be engaged in conversations with someone else :).

Annette, Mum of Maddie:

helps,
- The fact that I didn't work...so there was nothing to make me want to give up b/f Mads,
- The fact that I'd either read or been told that it's recommended that babies are b/f till they were 12 months. I carried on till 12 months....and then just didn't stop.

hinderances
- my own prejudices about TFW, I thought that babies should be weaned onto a formula bottle when they knew where to find it....silly me, once I got to 12 months it seemed silly to give up (carried on till self weaned at 3!!)
- my parents giving odd sly comments about time to give up, my dad in particular
- The annoyance of being 'chained' to Mads, she would not give up the boob at all which I have found very restrictive at times and has been a real mentally negative factor in b/f, but I have never prevented her from having a feed/drink,

Sarah, Mum of Ashton:

my helps have been:
---the midwife who came out to visit me.she was covering for my usual midwife thankfully cos my usual one and i didnt get along. she was great at encouraging me.
myself cos i was really determined to makethe breastfeeding work, even though at the start i was crying at the thought of feeding again cos it was so sore
---surgical tape, cos my boobs were so huge and engorged at the start, i surgical taped breastpads to my boobs and walked around topless all day!
---dp, he has really been fantastic with the breastfeeding. he didnt find it weird and i was expecting him to, he always used to fight my corner when people said bad things about breastfeeding, he was ready to pounce on anyone who said anything to me about breastfeeding in a cafe, he always gets me glasses of water and snacks when im feeding, and in the early days he used to help latch ashton on, even in the middle of the night when he had work the next day (he doesnt get up now though lol).
---my mum cos she was the only person i knew who breastfed and she encouraged me to in the first place. i have always known i was breastfed. (isnt it sad i dont know anyone else who has breastfed?)

my hinderances have been:
---my family. they all discouraged me, trying to say i was being too lazy to make up bottles, they take the p*ss out of me, and it really used to get me down in the early days, they tried to convince me to bottle feed, and one family member even bought me freezer bags cos i refused formula, saying i could express and "not have a baby hanging off my tit all day!" i could go on and on. they have stopped going on at me trying to get me to stop, but i still get made fun of, which now i dont mind, i know what to say to them!
---i had some retained placenta after the birth so i got an infection and i had to take antibiotics. they made me so ill and they made ashton ill too, so i stopped taking them. it was a worrying time. thankfully i got better on my own, even if it took longer, i didnt like the medication going thru to ashton in my breastmilk and making him ill.
---lack of sleep and colic. i was a zombie for the first few weeks. thanks to the EASY routine and infacol, all that stopped.

to be honest, wild horses couldnt have stopped me breastfeeding. i love it now and im dreading having to stop one day.

Hannah, Mum of Miriam:

Helps: my mum (who bf my sister and me for a long time, tandem fed us and was a TFW back in the 70s when it was even more unusual), my DP who was a rock of support and encouragement (and never once suggested a bottle), the bf counselor from the NCT who helped us sort out her latching problems, DP's mum who despite having ff her own 3 (2 of whom were adopted) has always been warmly supportive of my bfing (and extended bfing too) and this board which kept me sane and encouraged me to keep going when I was going nutty about her weight gain (or lack of) and my sore nipples!

Hindrances: mainly the staff in hospital who ranged from no use to actively sabotaging my desire to bf (offering bottles when I couldn't settle her, treating me like a nuisance because I kept asking for help with bf, etc). I did complain about the poor bf support in hospital and got a fairly hopeless reply (they even managed to spell my name wrong) - how much good that did I don't know, but at least I tried to do something.

Jo, Mum of Aoife:

The biggest helps (apart from all the ladies on the ivillage BF Support board of course!) must be boyfy and also my local bf counsellor. Boyfy for his unerring support and willingness to listen and try to understand - in fact he is a TFW vicariously if you see what I mean! My bf counsellor for helping me stand my ground when I ran into trouble at work, and also for educating even more about bf - she even offered to come into work with me if I needed her support!

The biggest hindrance? I still feel a little sad at myself for feeling so conscious about bf in public and around other people, for spending so much time worrying about it when I didn't need to. So I suppose the answer to that is myself really...

Jo, Mum of Hannah:

Helps: the mv in hospital who stayed with me most of one night to check on Hannah's latching and feeding and showed me how to settle her and gave me lots of encouragement, DH for being there in the first few weeks and helped me latch Hannah on during the nights when I was at the end of my tether, my Mum who told me to ignore daft mw and hv in the early weeks, the local baby cafe which helped me start expressing properly, and most recently all you lovely ladies who have answered all sorts of questions and doubts and made me feel like I was doing something really special for Hannah.

Hinderances: mv and hv in the first few weeks who were concerned about Hannah weight gain and made me feel like I wasn't being a good enough Mum.

Luckly I have many more helps than hinderance !